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Coping Strategies
This is a phrase that has mutated to mean something positive, as means of struggling with and overcoming adversity1; it has a somewhat stoic air about. You can imagine the lone hero manfully accepting his fate. However, if you consult the Oxford Dictionary, you will see that it has an older and truer meaning:- Coping
• noun the top, typically rounded or sloping, course of a brick or stone wall.
— ORIGIN from COPE2, originally meaning dress in a cope, hence to cover.
You can see that the core meaning comes from the idea of covering something up, rather than dealing with it or accepting it. Alas, this is one of those areas where the real truth is spoken in the hidden meaning of our language. Mostly, we deal with the stresses in our lives by ‘coping’, by covering them up so that we can pretend to others, and to ourselves that we can deal with this situation. Partly this comes from our sense of politeness (we don’t want to burden others), partly from our sense of pride (we don’t want others to think poorly of us) and to a greater part, from the fact that we don’t want to admit to ourselves just how plain scared and helpless we feel! “Problems are not the problem; coping is the problem.” Virginia Satir Of course we can resolve it. The Universe has a wonderful way of presenting just the right lesson / teacher to us just when we most need it. However, to deal with it, we first have to look it square in the face, and to accept (and feel) our feelings about it. It is the only place we can start from that is built on solid foundations. So next time you, or someone you wish to help, are struggling, next time you are feeling overwhelmed, don’t cope, don’t cover up how you feel. Take or make the space and time you need to be honest about what is going on. Ask for help... and then accept it gracefully, in whatever form, and from whomever, it comes. Focus on what you truly want and need to fully resolve this issue, ask for the best outcome for all concerned. Then, breathe again, and move on… that is it; your new way of handling stressful situations. I recognise this is a ‘Big Ask’, but the alternative is so much worse, no resolution ever comes from 'coping’ and in the long haul it is positively bad for you to just suppress these things. Let them out, because in the cold light of day, they are never as big or as bad as they appear when shut in the ‘broom closet’!
Good Luck and be brave! “Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.” Alice M Swaim
Resources:
1. Coping skill Wikipedia
2. Coping strategies for the Highly Sensitive Person
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Contributor's Note
Richard Derwent Cooke is a Facilitator, Coach & Change Agent and the founder of I-Change. He specialises in helping leaders, and their teams, clarify, develop and implement their plans. He has been working in the fields of personal and business change for over 25 years, working with international blue chip companies and individuals. Trained as a chartered accountant and in various alternative disciplines. See www.i-change.biz for more details, or email info@I-change.biz. Change & Stuff Blog: http://www.i-change.biz/blog/
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